June 2011 Archives
So, I have a weird job in that I, literally, talk to people about getting their estate plans up to date many times a week. And I've done this for TEN YEARS. Over and over, people tell me that they've been procrastinating and feel badly that they haven't gotten things taken care of. And I listen. In fact, my first question is almost always what prompted my clients to finally make the appointment and get the job done. It's almost always one of these four things:
- An upcoming trip.
- A scary diagnosis or test.
- A death in the family or a death of a friend.
- The birth of a child.
Let's face it, these are the things that get our attention in a deep way. They make mortality real and make us want to do what we can to get things in order. Until something like this grabs us, there are always 200 other 'important' things to capture our time and energy.
And here's my confession: despite my professional focus on estate planning, my family's estate plan has been out of date for at least four years! Really. Our guardian got divorced; her kids grew up to not get along with mine; our financial situation changed drastically. Every single thing about the plan wouldn't work.
And guess what? Do you know what made me fix it? It certainly wasn't because I knew we should. It was reasons one and two on the above list. Not only had we planned our first family trip that required airplane travel to a distant and slightly tropical local, but the week we got back my husband faced major spine surgery. Nothing like filling out hospital admittance papers to get those mortality juices flowing.
So, we redid our plan. We changed our guardians. We simplified our trust for tax planning. We updated our Durable Powers of Attorney and our Advance Health Care Directives. And it felt GREAT to finally fix it. Next up: the earthquake kit, also woefully out of date.
Believe me, I get it if you can't focus on estate planning right this second. But, please, next time life reaches out and grabs your attention, jump on it. You'll feel better, I can almost promise.
Dear Liza: My best friend of 26 years would like to write up a will. She has a 5 year old daughter, whom does not have a god mother. Both of my best friends parents are dead and the daughters father is not in her life, nor has he been since her birth. My best friend asked my husband and I if we would be her daughters "guardian" if anything should happen to her. We were honored and happily accepted! The problem is, how do we word the will so it is legal? The good news is that it's pretty easy to write a valid Will. There are not a lot of hidden 'gotcha's' in doing a Will (unlike a living trust, as you can see from the blog post immediately before this one). Your friend should go to www.nolo.com and use their simple online Will, or purchase WillMaker software, or purchase or go to the library and get a Nolo book like, Nolo's SImple Will Book, and use their suggested language. Your friend needs to say that she wants you and your husband to serve as the guardians of her minor child and that her child's biological father is not part of her daughter's life, and that placement with him would not be in the child's best interest.
Both of you need to know that she is only nominating you two to serve in her Will -- if your friend were to die, a judge would ultimately have to make the guardianship appointment in the best interest of the daughter. A judge will certainly try and honor a parent's nomination via a
Will, but when there's a living parent out there, unless they've legally abandoned that child (which this father may in fact have done), a judge has to take their parental rights into account as well. If that parent doesn't want to take custody of the child, the court can certainly also appoint a guardian without severing that parent's parental rights.
The bottom line is GET THAT WILL DONE. Writing down her wishes for her daughter is the best way your daughter can try and make sure that the right people take care of her daughter if she can't.
She should sign the Will in front of two witnesses who don't benefit from the Will in any way. And all of these self-help resources can walk you through the process.